All that’s left is the song I’ve sung; the breath I’ve taken and the one I must.

I’m listening to Johnny Flynn’s ‘The Wrote and The Writ’ blaring from my tinny laptop speakers, and I’m drinking bitter black coffee, and I’m wondering if I’ve changed at all.

I achieved things this year that I thought so far out of my (pessimistic and dull-thought) grasp. I wrote a thesis; I completed coursework; I earned First Class Honours; I earned a place in my department’s PhD program. I realised, once again and with brain-shattering clarity, how much I love what I do. I presented my work at an academic conference, and fell madly in love with the idea that somewhere amongst the noise and competiveness there might be a niche for me.

I fell in love with people, too – with new friends and with old friends, and with new lovers and old lovers. I drank gin, and soy lattes, and danced, and stayed up until 4am talking with people who know me well and persist in loving me anyway. I went on roadtrips, and holidays; I saw friends get married, and friends have babies, and friends fall in love, and friends get sunburnt and drunk and so very, very happy.

I wrote, ferociously, tripping over words in a rush to get them onto paper. I discovered Tumblr, and Doctor Who, and the all-embracing happiness that comes from finding like-minded nerds with whom to fangirl. (Yes, ‘fangirl’ in a verb. In my universe, at least.) I worked, and I slept, and I embraced the notion of the nanna nap with all-encompassing enthusiasm.

I added to my tattoo collection. I got a new piercing. I dyed my hair all manner of reds and purples and browns. I went to Homebake alone, and for the first time, felt as if I were truly a part of this mess we called the human race. I found comfort in my own skin, and I vowed to be happy as a pear-shaped, never-gonna-be-skinny, curvy woman.

I was no longer so unwell.

So I sit here, on the final day of 2011, and I listen to Jonny Flynn’s ‘The Wrote and The Writ’ blare from my tinny laptop speakers, and I sip my bitter black coffee, and I feel like everything is going to be alright.

Happy New Year, darlings and dearhearts.